


Control

by eridol



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Everyone Has Issues, Friends to Lovers, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Light Dom/sub, Love Confessions, M/M, NSFW, Pillow Talk, Smut, Sub Hatake Kakashi, Top Yamato, fwb to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:55:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25452013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eridol/pseuds/eridol
Summary: In most aspects of his life, Kakashi Hatake had control; fitness, training, finances, fighting, missions... He liked having control.He liked walking into a room and having the intimidated stares of everyone in it.He liked looking at the masked faces of those in his Anbu squad when he could feel them staring, only for them to instantly turn away, their fear evident because of how it rolled off of them in waves despite anything that their faces might've given away being covered by their uniforms.He liked the fact that, on most missions, he didn't even break a sweat. He had full control of what was going on in every fight he engaged in.It was normal.There was one aspect of life in which Kakashi relinquished his control to someone else, though, that someone being-"T-Tenzou!"
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 193





	Control

In most aspects of his life, Kakashi Hatake had control; fitness, training, finances, fighting, missions... He liked having control. 

He liked walking into a room and having the intimidated stares of everyone in it.

He liked looking at the masked faces of those in his Anbu squad when he could feel them staring, only for them to instantly turn away, their fear evident because of how it rolled off of them in waves despite anything that their faces might've given away being covered by their uniforms.

He liked the fact that, on most missions, he didn't even break a sweat. He had full control of what was going on in every fight he engaged in.

It was normal.

There was one aspect of life in which Kakashi relinquished his control to someone else, though, that someone being-

"T-Tenzou!"

-who was fucking into his pliant body like his life depended on it, sharp hips slamming against the older man's ass so hard that he hoped there'd be bruises the next morning.

"Shut up or everyone will hear you, Kakashi," They'd been doing this for years now, but Kakashi still froze when Tenzou called him by name, a flash of heat gathering in his cheeks and shooting from his head to his toes. One of Tenzou's arms was wrapped around his waist to keep him there, a hand curled around his hard and leaking cock to pump him to completion. The other hand moved to land in his silvery locks, fingers roughly grasping the threads and pulling at them to yank Kakashi's head back. The squad-leader allowed it without hesitation, a choked gasp falling from in between his kiss-bruised lips as the delicious pain shot through his scalp. As always, Tenzou's words only continued to make everything worse- or, for Kakashi, _better_. "Or would you like that? I bet you would, huh? I know I'd love for someone to hear my baby like this, so desperate and such a good boy... They'd finally get to see you for what you are..."

_My baby. Good boy._

"Call me that again," Kakashi begged, voice uncharacteristically high-pitched, whiny, and desperate as he gripped at the bedsheets so hard that his knuckles and the skin under his fingernails were burning white with the pressure.

"Hm?" Tenzou hummed, sounding curious, and if it weren't for the fact that he had Kakashi on his hands and knees for the sole purpose of fucking the life out of him, the silver-haired man might've gone as far as to believe that it sounded _innocent_. "Not sure I heard you. You like it when I call you a _good boy_ , _baby_?"

Weakly, Kakashi managed to turn his head back just enough to meet Tenzou's eyes, chestnut-hued and glazed over with lust. The way the brunette was looking at him was calm but fiery, patient but expectant, a look that could've made Kakashi melt if he hadn't looked away in time in favor of staring down at the crumpled up bedsheets beneath him. Tenzou was still waiting for an answer to his question.

He was suddenly reminded of the fact that he was having his brains fucked out for what must've been the fourth time that week when the head of Tenzou's dick, hot and leaking with a bit of precum, slammed right into his prostate in a way that made him nearly fall under the strength of his pleasure combined with the pressure of his subordinate's weight being continuously taken away and then drilled right back against him with every thrust. Still, he did his best to answer Tenzou's question despite the lust-filled haze that was currently fogging his mind, knowing that there'd be some sort of punishment for him if he didn't.

"Y-Yes!" At that, the brunette gave a particularly rough thrust that had Kakashi nearly screaming, hands scrambling for purchase. He grabbed one of the pillows and held onto the plush material, desperately burying his face into it, only to find that it smelled like the younger man- like wood, pine, maple, and everything he'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

Not that Tenzou knew about _that_ part, of course. Hopefully, Tenzou _never_ knew about the part that included Kakashi being in love with him.

"C'mon, Kakashi, be a good boy and give me one more, okay?" _One more?_ Kakashi thought it might've been impossible. He'd already came twice- once from a mindblowing blowjob, and then twice from being edged with the younger man's fingers. At this point, he was somehow both so numb and so overwhelmed with pleasure that it _hurt_ , tears of overstimulation pouring from his charcoal eyes, sliding down his blush-stained cheeks, and landing on the sheets below him as Tenzou's hand around his length began to slide up and down even faster than before. "You can do it..."

It was too much, and _oh God_ , Tenzou's thrusts were becoming faster, which meant that he was cumming too, _and_ -

Just the thought of Tenzou cumming inside him had the knot of pleasure that had been building up in his abdomen finally came unwound, allowing him to finish with a weak groan as he realized that he was able to hear his own heart beating in his ears and feel the drumming sensation in his throat.

If it had been anyone else, Kakashi would've made them wear a condom. He wouldn't have let them cum inside. Plenty of people in the Anbu slept with each other, and Kakashi was very meticulous about his (sexual) health, but this was Tenzou, and they'd been exclusive for the past few years. Not in an exclusive romantic relationship or anything... Just exclusive _fucking_. They hadn't even spoken about their deal since the night they made it. Instead, when Kakashi wanted it, he'd go to Tenzou, and Tenzou would give it to him. It was oddly unspoken.

They hadn't used condoms in a while. This was Tenzou, so he was happy with that, happy when the younger man's hips finally stuttered, happy to push his own hips back against the hot length, happy to let out a loud and broken moan when Tenzou finally came inside him, painting his inner walls white with his seed.

He was even happier to stay there, though, regardless of his shaky arms and knees barely holding him up. It was nice to feel the front of Tenzou's thighs pressed against the back of his, hips flush against his backside, strong hands drifting to tentatively hold his bruised hips and upper body leaning down until Kakashi could feel his friend's breath fanning against his upper back. Tenzou's long, dark hair fell over the front of his shoulders and tickled Kakashi's back as he dropped a trail of tender kisses against the older man's shoulder blade and up to the base of his neck. Finally, the brunette buried his face in the back of Kakashi's hair, nuzzling into the silver locks.

It felt more intimate than it really was. Kakashi enjoyed it more than he should've.

He knew that the brief, best moments of their afterglow couldn't last forever, though.

The second Tenzou pulled out, Kakashi was collapsing onto the bed on his stomach, releasing his grip on the pillow and allowing his body to sag. He felt the weight on the bed shift, signaling that Tenzou had stood, but even though he tried to catch a glance at the younger man's ass during this part most of the time, this session had been particularly and he couldn't open his eyes even if he wanted to.

So, he simply laid there, able to hear Tenzou's steps and feel his movements. First, the brunette trotted off to the bathroom to clean himself up, then grabbed a washcloth to wet. After that, he came back into the bedroom- as quietly as he could in case Kakashi had already fallen asleep, though Kakashi never fell asleep at this point, enjoying his friend's simple but tender aftercare- and finally, he wiped the sweat off of Kakashi's brow and the cum off of wherever it happened to land during their rendezvous before tossing the rag somewhere across the room and crawling into bed.

Kakashi let out a sigh of relief when the mattress shifted with Tenzou's weight and relaxed at the arm that was tossed over his back.

That relaxed feeling didn't last for too long- life never allowed him long-term relaxation, after all.

Kakashi froze upon hearing shuffling outside of his little one-bedroom, eyes snapping open and going wide. One of his neighbors, no doubt... Maybe another Anbu member. A lot of them lived in apartments like his. Had they actually heard him? Kakashi thought that the walls were thick, but maybe not...

How exciting.

If anyone knew that he was secretly fucking someone on his squad without knowing the explicit details? Well, that was one thing. People talked about him all the time, and plenty of the Anbu hooked up with each other. No one would give a shit about that. Like always, they'd assume Kakashi was in control, and they'd brush it off.

But if anyone knew that he regularly allowed himself to be controlled by Tenzou, allowed Tenzou to call him by his real name instead of his codename when they were alone despite the younger man being his subordinate, allowed the brunette to bend him over every surface in his apartment, dominate him, and fuck his brains out like a bitch? Well, that was a completely different story.

The thought was humiliating, and that was what excited Kakashi. He'd lose all the control. People would expect him to be weak, they'd mock him and he wouldn't be able to uphold his reputation of being strong and dominant anymore. Maybe he'd lose his position. It wouldn't even affect his relationship with Tenzou- whatever that relationship was, he wasn't quite sure, but... The twisted side of him wanted to be exposed, finding it erotic and hoping that it could be what relieved him of all the extra pressure in his life.

If everyone knew that the cold, calculating, seemingly in control Kakashi Hatake allowed himself to lose that control on a regular basis, and if they knew that he had his weak and questionable moments, maybe he'd finally get a break. Maybe everyone wouldn't expect him to be the perfect prodigy all the time.

It was a ridiculous fantasy. He had too much pride to let his facade slip, but he could dream, couldn't he?

And when they were like this, Tenzou allowed him to live out those dreams. Tenzou took care of most of the work, teased and praised him like no one else had the courage to actually do to his face, fucked him until he was practically brainless- all of that was good, sure, but... It wasn't Kakashi's favorite part.

As good as the sex was, Kakashi appreciated the pillow talk even more. Wherever they were, Tenzou would help Kakashi get cleaned up, whether it be in one of their apartments, a tent, a hotel- they'd lay down together, chat about whatever was on their minds, and the brunette would play with his hair until he fell asleep.

Then came the worst part. Every time Kakashi woke up, Tenzou was gone. He'd wake up, reach out to feel the bedsheets next to him in hopes of feeling warm, scarred skin and silky brown hair, only to feel nothing but ice-cold linen. Logically, he knew that Tenzou would never be there. He wasn't sure why he even bothered checking after the first few times, but he still did.

By now, the squad leader was accustomed to the routine. He'd have Tenzou over, or slip into the younger man's tent during a mission, or pop in through the brunette's window in the middle of the night. They'd fuck. They'd lay in bed together, talk, and Kakashi would fall asleep first. Then, he'd wake up alone.

It still hurt every time he got up on those morning-afters, though. He'd feel lonely, awkward, and unsure of himself. Yearning would ache through his bones and plague his mind through the beginning of his day. Quite frankly, it was terrible, but he'd set himself up for it from the very start.

Both of them were damaged. What else could he have expected?

After all, Kakashi still remembered when they'd first made their little deal...

**~**

It had been about three years ago. Kakashi had been twenty, Tenzou eighteen. The Anbu members on the older man's squad had just finished a mission, so they'd gone to the local bathhouse to relax for a bit before the long trip home. Kakashi and Tenzou had finished rather quickly, and the others would probably be there for hours- maybe they'd go by one of the local bars afterward, not that Kakashi or Tenzou would go with them. They'd both always preferred to spend time with each other, not necessarily fond of the other squad-members.

So, they'd opted to sit together on the roof of the hotel they were staying at instead, the material hard and rough, flat, made up of tar and gravel.

"Senpai," Tenzou had said, tilting his head in the annoyingly cute way he always had, the way that had his silky locks falling over one of his shoulders. Kakashi had wanted to reach out and touch them, but he'd thought better of it and stared down at the hand that was closest to Tenzou- it had been his left, if he was remembering correctly. Tenzou's right hand had been so close to it, close enough for their fingers to almost brush against one another. Kakashi had always wondered what it'd feel like to hold the hand of someone he loved who loved him back without them dying or leaving him somehow, and he'd foolishly hoped that the younger man would be able to provide him with the means to find out. "You've seemed tired recently."

"Tired..." Kakashi had chuckled and pulled his left hand back to run it through his messy, silvery locks before taking his mask off and setting it behind him. Tenzou had taken his mask off as well. "You know I don't sleep much. Our work doesn't allow that very often."

"No, I mean it seems like you're tired of something..." For the first time in a long time, someone had reached out and touched him; Tenzou had reached out and placed his hand on one of Kakashi's bare shoulders, soft yet grounding. "It seems like you're just running through the motions nowadays."

"It's been that way for years. I've always been that way."

Kakashi had been about to get up and leave. He was tired, sick of leading their squad, sick of having so much pressure put on him, sick of being the one in control, and as much as he'd wanted to spill his guts out, he hadn't wanted Tenzou to be the one stuck cleaning up the mess and putting him back together.

He hadn't even moved, but apparently, Tenzou had been able to sense his desire to escape the situation, because the hand that had been on Kakashi's shoulder quickly moved to grab his hand and hold him in place.

Kakashi was stronger than Tenzou. He could've moved. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd stayed, allowing the man he'd been in love with for a few years to gradually take control of the situation.

"But it's been worse than usual," Tenzou had argued, brows furrowing together in worry. He'd tightened his grip on Kakashi's hand, intertwining their fingers. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know why you're expecting me to confide in you," Kakashi had scoffed like Tenzou's gestures hadn't meant _anything_ when they'd actually meant _everything_ , jerking his hand away and tilting his nose up in a futile attempt to keep control over the situation. "You're my subordinate."

"I'm also your _friend_ ," Clearly frustrated by Kakashi's indignance, the brunette had reached out yet again, opting to grab _both_ of his hands. Kakashi hadn't even been able to pull away, only averting his gaze. Tenzou had been slowly taking control of the situation without even realizing it. "You didn't even deny that anything is wrong. Now I'm _really_ worried."

"You shouldn't be."

"But I _am_. Talk to me."

"Sometimes..." The silver-haired man had sighed, intertwining their fingers and deciding that he'd tell the truth. It had been a long time since he'd talked to someone about his emotions before that. He'd needed the opportunity to vent more than he'd even realized back then. "I get really frustrated. It's like everyone expects me to have full control of everything, to have a firm grasp on everything I do- and I usually don't mind it. I don't mind that people think I'm strong, I don't mind that people think I can do everything. My issue is the pressure that comes with it. I'm given a ridiculous amount of control and leadership responsibilities, and sometimes... Even though I usually like it, sometimes, I wish I wasn't so in control. I wish I could just get away for a little while to a place where someone else had control over everything. I wish I could be the one being led, the weak one, but my pride and reputation won't allow for it."

"So you're overwhelmed right now and need some sort of cathartic break where you won't be the one stuck in control?"

"Essentially, yes, but I don't even know where I'd find something like that. I feel stupid for even telling you about it now."

"Well, I think I have an idea..." Tenzou had trailed off, normally pale cheeks burning bright red, the shade of crimson illuminated by the moonlight.

"And what would that be?"

Kakashi should have known. But he hadn't. No, he'd been _completely_ ignorant as to what was to come.

"Give me control for a little bit," The younger man had encouraged, leaning in terrible close, though Kakashi hadn't dared to pull away, only allowing Tenzou to take control and wait to see what he would do next. "Let me take the lead, Kakashi."

It was rare for Tenzou to call him by his given name instead of his codename or 'Senpai', and it had the squad leader's entire body burning with heat.

Of course, the heat had only increased tenfold when Tenzou was leaning in and gently pressing their lips together, still holding his hands so tightly- so _reassuringly_. The brunette's lips were much softer than his, they were plump, and they tasted like maple syrup. Kakashi hadn't been sure of how to respond, but by the time he'd decided to kiss back, Tenzou was pulling away and looking up at him. They'd still been so close, the shorter man's button nose brushing against his. 

"Tenzou..."

"You trust me, right?"

"Always."

"Then follow my lead."

"Tenzou," Kakashi had whispered, hesitant as Tenzou tipped his body back onto the roof and crawled on top of him. "On the roof? What if someone sees?"

"Just relax," The brunette had leaned in and pressed his lips against Kakashi's neck before peering up at the silver-haired man with his dark brown eyes, which had been half-lidded. "And no strings attached, right?"

Of course, that question had broken Kakashi's heart. He'd wanted Tenzou to love him, wanted whatever their relationship was to be loving and intimate. But of course not. Life was never that kind to him.

Regardless, he'd agreed to it, not wanting to miss out on what could possibly be the only chance he'd ever get to do something like this with the man he'd loved for so long- even if it was on the roof of some random hotel, even if Tenzou didn't love him, even if it was wrong for him to get his emotional kicks out of an encounter that was almost definitely purely physical on his friend's end.

"...Right. No strings attached."

And then, Tenzou's lips were on his again, and he was _gone_.

**~**

With a sigh, Kakashi broke himself out of the old memory, shaking his head. The sudden movement seemed to alert Tenzou, who'd been playing with his hair. The brunette took his fingers out and sat himself up on one elbow, quirking an eyebrow. His silky, sex-mussed locks pooled around his chest and shoulders in chestnut waves, framing his soft face and almond eyes, pale skin illuminated by the newly-shining sunlight.

Kakashi thought he looked like an angel.

Maybe Tenzou really _was_ an angel.

"What's wrong, Senpai?"

A million answers flew threw Kakashi's head.

_'You're still calling me that after all this time.'_

_'I'm not sure I know what love is exactly, but I think this is it and I think I'm in love with you.'_

_'I'm scared.'_

_'I'm sick of you leaving every time we do this.'_

_'I just want you to stay.'_

_'What even are we anymore?'_

_'I need you to love me back.'_

_'I wish I had control over this like I do over everything else.'_

But he didn't voice a single one of them out loud.

Instead, he froze at the last thought, eyes going wide. The whole reason he'd started this in the first place was to lose control, if only for a short time, and now... Well, he'd lost control in a way he hadn't intended. He'd lost control of his feelings, and he was helplessly in love.

Yeah. He wanted his control back. This was bullshit. He was done with it.

Or, that's what he _had_ been thinking. When Yamato looked at him like that, though, brown eyes filled with worry and cherry blossom lips slightly pushed forward to help make a pout, the thought of him taking control back flew out the window. Kakashi was willing to relinquish control to Tenzou for the rest of his life if it meant being looked at like that.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

Kakashi grumbled and turned around, pulling the blankets over the both of them. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried his best to seem like he wasn't awake. He knew he was too mentally and emotionally worked up to fall asleep, so he figured he might as well figure out when Tenzou left and where he went every time they did this.

Surprisingly enough, Tenzou's strong arms were wrapping around his waist from behind, broad chest pressing into his back. Kakashi leaned into the touch as subtly as he could, still trying to pretend that he was sleeping.

Minutes passed.

"I know you're not asleep," The brunette suddenly spoke, nimble fingers ghosting over Kakashi's abdomen, making him jump. "There's no point in faking. Your lips are always parted when you fall asleep, and your eyelashes flutter against your cheeks."

 _Huh_. Kakashi didn't like being called out, but he was much more focused on the fact that Tenzou had even _noticed_ those things... Did he watch him sleep? As creepy as the thought was, Kakashi found it oddly flattering. Tenzou watching him sleep. That thought was a nice one.

Just as Tenzou had said, there was no point in him faking anymore, so he sat up in bed, mumbling a small, "Thanks for the tips." and watching the younger man sit up as well.

The blankets- Kakashi's blankets, which were slate grey to match the sheets and pillowcases- had pooled in their laps. The silver-haired man looked at the window, able to feel Tenzou's worry-filled stare on his face as he admired the sunlight growing progressively brighter.

"Seriously," Tenzou reached over, reached out for Kakashi, resting a hand on the squad leader's face in a terribly intimate manner and stroking a gentle thumb across his cheekbone. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"Your ears burn red when you lie."

"It's nothing important," Kakashi tried to change the subject, raising his hands to cover his ears. Tenzou wasn't even wrong. Just feeling them with his hands, he could tell that they were burning with heat, along with the rest of his normally pale face. "Just let me sleep."

"I don't see why you'd try," Tenzou offered a small smile as he crawled out from underneath the covers and tossed his legs over the side of the bed, back now facing Kakashi. The older man stayed there, zoning out for a moment and keeping his gaze on the window while Tenzou gathered the clothing of his that had been haphazardly thrown onto the wooden floors the night before and slipped each item back on. "We have to be up in a little bit anyway."

"Oh... The sun rose while we were still..."

By the time Kakashi was paying full attention again, Tenzou had fully dressed himself, tying his long hair back in Kakashi's mirror before heading towards his front door.

And, for just a second, he imagined that things were different. He imagined that they were actually together, that he was standing up, grabbing Tenzou by the wrist, pulling him back into bed, and Tenzou would stay, Tenzou would cuddle with him and shower his face in kisses, Tenzou would tell him how much he loved him, and things would be good.

That wasn't real, though. Tenzou was leaving, and Kakashi was staying in the bed rather helplessly because he didn't have the guts to try to convince his subordinate to stay. Kakashi didn't have control of this situation like he did over everything else- no, the only aspects of this that he had control of were his own fantasies about the younger man.

"Right," Tenzou nodded, and all Kakashi could do was offer the best smile he could muster despite his true feelings. "I'll see you later, Senpai."

"See you later."

**~~**

Aside from having Tenzou fuck his brains out, Kakashi had one other way that he allowed himself to lose control.

That way was a lot rarer for him to actually participate in, namely because there was a difference between allowing someone to take over while being completely aware of what was going on versus being completely and utterly inebriated.

But alas, the latter happened on very rare occasions, and this was one of them.

Guy, Kurenai, and Asuma had invited Kakashi to go along to the bar with them. He should've said no, but he had been feeling particularly sad about the whole Tenzou situation, and what better way to handle it than to drink his sorrows away?

So, that's what he'd done. He'd gone to the bar with them, and he'd drank... And _drank... And drank_. It was a miracle that he'd been sober enough to hide his face while drinking, but more importantly, his friends were stuck dealing with him. And he was drunk.

Kakashi wasn't sure how to describe himself when he was drunk. Unlike a lot of people, he didn't have a set _type_ of drunk. Sometimes, he was sad, other times, he was horny, and occasionally, he was a blabbermouth. It really depended on what sort of problem had influenced him to drink in the first place.

He always tended to black out and forget everything that happened the night of when the following morning came, which was what worried him the most- not that he could really control what he said or did after he got to a certain point, which was what was currently happening.

"Where's Tenzou?" Kakashi asked, standing up and stumbling before abruptly slamming a hand down on the tabletop of the booth that the others were sitting in.

Asuma, Guy, and Kurenai all looked at each other, clearly confused. The logical, not-drunk Kakashi would've known better than to ask them for Tenzou- firstly because it was embarrassing and shameless, and secondly because they'd never met or even seen the brunette.

"...Tenzou?" Kurenai was the first to question it, tilting her head as her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "Who's that?"

Kakashi, whose vision was spinning, wasn't in the right state of mind to give a reasonable answer. Instead, he spoke again, much louder and whinier this time.

"I want Tenzou!"

"Rival," Guy reached out, trying to grab Kakashi's hand, though the silver-haired man only toppled out of the booth and fell ass-first onto the floor, not even phased by the injury but more worried about the fact that _he wanted Tenzou and he wasn't there, why wasn't Tenzou there for him?_ "I can't find this Tenzou if you don't tell me who they are."

"He's my-" He'd trailed off, wanting to say _boyfriend_ , but knowing that it'd be inaccurate. So, what should he have called Tenzou, then? His friend? Coworker? Fuckbuddy? "My..."

Oddly enough, the younger man seemed to appear out of nowhere, darting from where he'd been sitting at the bar to kneel in front of a fallen Kakashi.

"Senpai?" Even though they were in public, Tenzou rested a hand on his face and stroked a thumb over his cheekbone in that intimate way he always did when he thought something was wrong, warm brown eyes pouring into the taller man's. "Are you okay?"

"Tenzou!" Kakashi cheered, a bright smile taking over his face as he threw himself onto Tenzou, who quickly caught him and held him upright.

"Um, _wow_..." Asuma looked utterly dumbfounded, which Kakashi supposed was reasonable. They hadn't really seen him act affectionately towards anyone before.

Ignoring Kakashi for the moment, Tenzou effortlessly lifted the silver-haired man and tossed him over his shoulder, keeping an arm over his body to hold him there before turning to his friends. Kurenai, Guy, and Asuma were still sitting there, dumbfounded- not that Kakashi could see his face, as his entire upper body was over the back of his crush's shoulder.

"Is he drunk?"

"I'm afraid so!" Guy answered, voice a bit too loud for Kakashi, who was suddenly hit with a pounding headache.

"No worries, I'll make sure he gets home safe. You guys have a good night," Tenzou gave them a small wave, and not really thinking or able to restrain himself, Kakashi reached down and squeezed the brunette's ass, earning him a very quick scolding from Tenzou and shocked yells and exclamations from his friends that he wasn't really paying attention to. "Senpai! Not in public."

They were out of the bar seconds after that, Kakashi growing more and more giggly by the second as the night air hit his face. They were getting stares- a lot of them, but thankfully for _'oh-god-why-did-I-get-so-fucking-drunk-now-that-it's-morning-I'm-regretting-that-dumb-shit-I-did'_ Kakashi, Tenzou quickly used a Transportation Jutsu to flicker into his apartment.

At first, Kakashi was a bit startled to arrive in the apartment that looked nothing like his own, but he quickly recovered and settled in Tenzou's arms again when he realized that it was just the brunette's. The room was the same as usual; wooden floors, beige walls, lit up in a warm glow that came from the lamp on the old nightstand, a large bed pushed up against the wall in the center of the room, a green rug on the ground. Kakashi remembered that rug. It was right next to the side of the bed he always slept on when he was there, so he'd stepped onto the plush material on quite a few early mornings. Oddly enough, even when he went to Tenzou's, the brunette always dipped before he woke up, leaving Kakashi there by himself to get ready and leave.

They were so weird.

After what felt like forever, Tenzou was gently sitting Kakashi down on his bed, looking down at him.

"Hehe, Tenzou... You're so pretty."

The brunette kneeled down in front of Kakashi for the second time that night, helping to take the shoes off of the silver-haired man's feet, then unzipping his vest and pulling it from his body. Next, he pulled Kakashi's mask down and took his forehead protector off, setting it down on the nightstand. He still hadn't responded to Kakashi's comment. Maybe he was struggling to come up with a reply.

"Don't say something that's not true just because you're drunk."

"But it's so true," Kakashi whined, dragging out the 'ue' in 'true' in a way that was painfully obnoxious- not that he was really conscious of it. "You're so cute, and pretty, and handsome..." Trailing off, the charcoal-eyed man leaned down and buried his nose into the shorter man's hair, taking in a deep whiff of the familiar mint shampoo and conditioner. "And you smell good."

"C'mon, Senpai, stop it," Kakashi reached down to touch, but unfortunately, Tenzou smacked his hand away and stood up, crossing his arms. "You're hammered."

"Why do you still call me that?"

"Senpai?"

"Yeah, _that_. Just call me Kakashi," The older Jonin spat, words slightly slurred and vision slightly blurry.

Clearly unsure of what he was supposed to say in return, Tenzou distracted himself by turning to the side and looking down at the floor, running through his usual routine of shedding his clothes and protective gear until he was in his boxers and letting his hair down.

"I'm your subordinate. That isn't right unless we're..."

"Why not? We _fuck_ , you might as well just use my name."

"Why do you care so much?" Tenzou asked, walking over to the lamp to turn it off. The room was immediately consumed by darkness. Kakashi didn't bother answering, simply waiting until he felt Tenzou's weight on the other side of the mattress so he could turn to face the younger man. "Fine, _Kakashi_ , why-"

"Wait, Tenzou, c'mere-" Kakashi pouted, too drunk and too tired to continue the conversation. He could only scoot closer, tossing a leg over both of Tenzou's and cuddling up to his warm body.

"Alright," Tenzou acquiesced, wrapping an arm around the silver-haired man in return. "Just go to sleep, and be sure to let me know if you need anything, okay?"

Honestly, Kakashi hadn't even thought about it, just saying whatever had come to his mind, which resulted in him giving a surprisingly comfortable;

"Okay... Love ya."

"I-" Tenzou stuttered, freezing before finally reciprocating. "I love you, too."

And then, he allowed his charcoal eyes to flutter shut, a content smile on his face as he fell asleep.

**~~~**

When Kakashi woke up the next morning, he didn't remember shit from the night before. As in, not a fucking thing.

So, he was rather confused when he woke up in a bed that was far too soft to be his when he didn't even remember how he got there. Naturally, he shot straight up, the fluffy green covers pooling in his lap, and that's when he realized-

"Tenzou, you're..." Tenzou was right next to him, passed out with no shirt on, which was weird since Kakashi was still dressed in a long-sleeve and matching pants- the ones he'd worn last night. At the sound of his voice, the brunette stirred, shifting his weight to his elbows so he could move from where he'd been laying, now blinking up at Kakashi with tired brown eyes. "You're here."

"I am."

"Did we...?" Kakashi looked to the side and nervously pulled at his collar, wondering if they'd had sex, but more importantly, wondering what he'd said to actually get Tenzou to stay in bed with him.

"No, we didn't. You were drunk."

"I was drunk?" The silver-haired man questioned, trying to recall last night's events to no avail. Last he remembered, he was sitting in a booth at the local bar with Guy, Kurenai, and Asuma, drinking and chatting, and... Then he'd blacked out. Great. "What all happened?"

"I guess you don't remember anything..." Surprisingly enough, Tenzou looked dejected at the thought of Kakashi not remembering, and that was scary. Just what had he said and done? "You were at the bar with your friends, sitting in a booth. You got absolutely hammered and I happened to be at the bar counter, then I heard you calling for me, so... I went over there and told your friends that I'd get you home since you were basically out of commission for the night. I pulled you along to my apartment, took you inside, and you asked me to stay here with you, so I did. All we did was sleep."

"Oh..."

"Kakashi," Tenzou's voice was gentle, like he was about to approach a scared, wild animal. Kakashi didn't know what the younger man was going to say yet, but he found that his heart was dropping to his stomach regardless. "Are you... Are you in love with me by any chance?"

Suddenly, at the sound of one question, his whole world came crashing down around him. Tenzou either already knew or was starting to figure it out, and both of those concepts were terrifying. Had he slipped up somehow while he was drunk? _Fuck_. He hadn't wanted it to come out at all, let alone like _that_. Tenzou was the first person he'd been attached to in years, and now he was risking losing him because of the stupid, selfish feelings he just couldn't take control of no matter how much he wanted to take control of them.

"I need to take a shower."

Struggling to gather his thoughts, Kakashi stood from the bed and walked down the hallway, storming off to the bathroom. Tenzou only followed him. His head was plagued with a splitting headache and he felt dirty, so despite the fact that Tenzou was literally right there, he shed himself of his clothes and turned the shower on, stepping behind the curtain and slamming it shut, though that probably looked ridiculous and immature. Hiding in the shower was a weird coping mechanism of his- a half hour of raking his nails up and down his body and dousing it in cold water until his skin was red, raw, and clean was more calming than it should've been. Comforting. A bit of time alone where he could lose that control and get away from the outside world.

"Kakashi... Talk to me, please?" _Kakashi_. They weren't having sex, but Tenzou was calling him by his name. Something _really_ significant must've happened the night before to ignite a change like that. Had he confessed? Complained about the fact that Tenzou still regularly addressed him as _Senpai_? "I'll let you be for a bit," With that, the brunette left, his exit further pronounced by the loud shutting of the bathroom door.

The shower lasted a long time and consisted of nothing but Kakashi drowning himself in Tenzou's soap and shampoo _because if this next interaction he was anticipating went as bad as he feared it would, that meant he'd risk never smelling it again_ , nervously scratching at himself as he tried to gather his thoughts to no avail. When he finally shut the water off and stepped out to grab a towel from one of the bathroom cabinets to wrap around his waist before brushing his teeth with the spare toothbrush he'd kept there, he'd assumed it'd been long enough for Tenzou to get sick of waiting and leave to do whatever it was he had to do that day.

 _Apparently not_ , because when Kakashi finally exited the bathroom, Tenzou was standing right outside the door waiting for him, still in his boxers with his arms crossed over his chest. The silver-haired man debated on retreating back into the bathroom, but decided against it, awkwardly shutting the bathroom door behind him and knotting the towel around his waist so it would stay in place.

"To answer your question, no, I..." The logical side of Kakashi was telling him that he should just tell the truth and get it out of the way, while the emotional side of him was saying that he should lie. So, what did he do? He lied through his teeth. "I'm not in love with you, Tenzou."

Ever since Tenzou had told Kakashi about the telltale sign of him lying- the tips of his ears flushing red- the squad leader had made the effort to subtly cover his ears with his hair when he told a lie, but as soon as he reached to do it, Tenzou was grabbing him by the wrists and giving him a scrutinizing stare.

"I never thought you'd have feelings towards me, but... Your ears are burning red. That was a lie. You _are_ in love with me, aren't you?"

"Yeah, so what?" Kakashi scoffed, feeling defensive as he yanked his wrists out of Tenzou's grip and looked away. The younger man had practically caged him against the bathroom door without him even realizing it, and suddenly, he felt trapped. Since he knew that he had nowhere else to run, Kakashi mustered what courage he had and met Tenzou's eyes again, charcoal pouring into chocolate. "I'm in love with you, Tenzou, are you happy? Happy that I got exactly what I wanted and lost all of the control I had? Happy that I fell in love with you and can't even help it when all I want is control over my emotions again? God, why can't I-"

Kakashi cut himself off and moved, moved to slam his fist back into the door to release his pent up frustrations, only for Tenzou to grab his hand again to stop him. He figured that was reasonable- he wouldn't want a fist-sized hole in his bathroom door, either. ****

"Emotions aren't something we can just control," The brunette was tender in his movements as he pulled Kakashi's hand up, pressing his lips against the taller man's knuckles. "But we _can_ control how we react to them, can't we?"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to react to being in love with you. For fuck's sake, it's the worst thing that could've come from this!" Kakashi exclaimed, dropping his head back against the door with a thud and allowing his eyes to fall shut. Tenzou had been nice about this so far. Maybe Tenzou loved him back. Regardless, he was still scared, and the feeling of the younger man holding his hand so softly had him shaking with fear. Okay, so Tenzou loving him was a possibility, but what would happen if things went south? What would happen if one of them died?

"Am I _that_ bad?"

"You're not bad at all, Tenzou, you're amazing. That's the issue. You're out of my league, you're beautiful, you're kind, you're smart, you're strong- And I'm..." Kakashi gave a defeated laugh, opening his eyes again. "I don't even know what I am."

"You're amazing, too, Kakashi..." Tenzou grinned and buried his face in Kakashi's neck, moving to wrap his arms around the older man's waist and hold him close. "You don't have to be in control of your emotions around me."

"You don't get it," He was still so nervous that he was shaking, but he was also relishing in being _held_ , so he found himself hesitantly wrapping his arms back around Tenzou. "I'll be too much for you."

"You haven't been too much for me up to this point," Tenzou argued, pressing a gentle kiss against the column of the dark-eyed man's throat. The towel around his waist came loose and fell, but he didn't move, not really focused on that. "And I know a lot about you already. I'm sure I can take plenty more."

"Listen," Kakashi whispered, voice broken and trembling. He hated how easy it was for Tenzou to make him fall apart at the seams. There were tears in his eyes, his face was red, he was still scared even though he was pretty sure that Tenzou loved him back. "I don't have that much self-restraint. If you don't reject me and make me leave right now, I'm going to get the wrong idea, and I'm afraid it won't turn out good."

"But what if it does turn out good? You staying here and me loving you back isn't giving you the wrong idea, it's... It's telling you the truth. I've been in love with you, too."

Kakashi pulled back a bit, relieved, excited, terrified, and confused- all at the same time.

"Then why were you the one who said 'no strings attached' all those years ago?"

"I said that because I didn't want you to know the truth. I've been in love with you since I was sixteen."

"Oh..." Kakashi paused, feeling embarrassed. He hadn't even realized that he loved Tenzou until he was nineteen, and Tenzou had been in love with him for an entire year before that? Now he just felt stupid. "Well, I guess that problem's solved. I feel stupid now."

"That's because you kinda are when it comes to romance, apparently."

"Shut it-"

"No... Let me make love to you, Kakashi."

"R-Right now?" Kakashi questioned. His eyes went wide, but Tenzou only blushed and looked down at the ground.

"I mean, yes."

"Okay," The silver-haired man nodded, completely and utterly breathless. Seconds later, Tenzou's hands were resting on his bare hips, moving up and down, exploring the body he'd already explored what must've been a few hundred times now.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

The second he nodded, the brunette's hands were on his ass, picking him up and pulling him into his body. Kakashi immediately responded by locking his legs around Tenzou's waist and tossing his arms around Tenzou's neck.

Everything after that seemed to move so fast yet so slow; Tenzou carrying him back to the bedroom, dropping him down on the bed and crawling on top of him, slamming their lips together. Kakashi wasn't sure when the shorter man had discarded his boxers, but he had, and he submissively parted his lips for that skilled tongue to dance with his when Tenzou's cock was grinding against his so deliciously.

Tenzou had kissed him before, sure, but it was never like this- never so bold, never so loving, but now it was, and it was a little too much- not that Kakashi minded, of course. He relished in it, moaned into it, deepened it as he tilted his head and raised his hands to sink his fingers into the long waves of chocolate hair that were cascading over the brunette's shoulders and around his face like a silky curtain.

The brown-eyed man was pulling back a bit too fast for Kakashi's liking, but he didn't complain, taking the respite to get some air in his lungs and admire their position. Tenzou was on top, buff arms resting on either side of his head, knees in between his legs. It was weird that they were doing it like this- usually, Tenzou would turn him around before they even had their clothes off, bend him over, and take him from behind, but... This was better. Kakashi liked being able to see Tenzou's face, bright red and lovestruck, a few strands of hair sticking to his forehead from the cold sweat that'd built up there.

"Have I ever told you how gorgeous you are?" The words that fell from in between those pretty pink lips had Kakashi's heart skipping a beat, and he froze, looking up at Tenzou, who continued to move. The wood-user leaned over to the nightstand, fishing through one of the drawers until he resurfaced with a bottle of lube. "I mean, it's just... It's always the little things about you that get me, Kakashi," Tenzou popped the bottle's cap open and poured a generous amount of the liquid onto his fingers before pushing one, and then a second into the silver-haired man's entrance. Kakashi groaned at the sudden pressure, but quickly adjusted, mind going hazy with the sensation as he switched between focusing on his pleasure and focusing on Tenzou's words. "Like how you smile under your mask when you think no one's watching, or that closed-eye grin you'll give... The sound of your voice when you laugh."

It was weird. Kakashi certainly wasn't used to Tenzou talking like that- the man had trouble figuring out his emotions most of the time and had even more trouble expressing them. Sometimes, he came off as dry and awkward without meaning to, but right now, he was the exact opposite. So, yes, it was incredibly weird. But it wasn't a bad kind of weird.

"Tenzou," The older man muttered, barely able to string the words together, but managing to anyway because _it was so nice to be able to say them out loud after so long_. "Tenzou, I love you."

"I love you too, Kakashi."

Before he knew it, the other Anbu was sinking his fingers in deep and twisting them at the knuckle, giving a couple more languid thrusts of the digits before pulling them out and using that hand to coat his length in an obscene amount of lube. Tenzou's cock was what Kakashi considered a decent length, just enough to fill him without seriously hurting him, girthier than average and nice to feel the weight of in his hand, with a blunt head and a couple of prominent veins running up the side. He found himself licking his lips at the thought, but he was quickly interjected by Tenzou kissing him yet again.

It was thrilling to have the shorter man make love to him- no, not _fuck him_ , but _make love to him_ , unrestrained for the first time despite them having been fucking for the last three years.

Kakashi had never had anyone make love to him before. Tenzou was ready to change that, apparently.

At first, Tenzou took it slow, lining up with Kakashi's entrance and pressing in, stretching him impossibly wide until he was stuffed and breathless. The silver-haired man let out a breathy moan at the sensation and tilted his head back against the pillow, giving the brunette the access he needed to leave lovebites on his neck and shoulders.

The younger man gave him a few moments to adjust, but both of them quickly grew impatient, Kakashi clenching down around the length inside of him as a way of saying _come on, please, get on with it already_. Tenzou seemed to get the hint, a huff leaving his mouth before he was drawing out and drilling back in, not wasting time in setting a pace so brutally passionate that his hips were smacking against Kakashi's inner-thighs with every hard thrust. As always, Kakashi hoped there'd be bruises later.

It was different than usual. Tenzou wasn't moving with the sole purpose of dominating and making Kakashi relinquish his control just to feed into a fantasy- instead, he was moving lovingly, deliberately, with the sole purpose of making Kakashi feel loved for once in his life. The change had electricity shooting through the squad leader's body as he curled his toes and yanked at Tenzou's hair, earning an involuntary moan from him.

The brunette seemed to take it as encouragement to go harder, and now Kakashi could feel every inch of that hard cock stretching and pushing and withdrawing in a way that had his walls fluttering around it, his own cock leaking with a bead of precum. The thrusts only became more and more rough, Kakashi's tightness mixed with Tenzou's size and speed making for a blissful drag every time his lover moved to withdraw his hips.

Kakashi spread his legs wider and tried to ignore the fact that he was already about to cum despite the fact that his dick had hardly been touched. His eyes were rolling back, his body was being fucked into the mattress so hard he thought it might leave a permanent imprint, he was moaning and sighing and panting uncontrollably. the headboard was smacking against the wall and he was sure that Tenzou's neighbors were probably going to be angry about that.

An especially sharp piston from Tenzou's end tore a desperate mewl from him and had him tensing up, full-body tremors coursing through him, which were only made worse when the brunette balanced his weight on one arm so he could use his newly-freed hand to reach down and grasp Kakashi's leaking length between his calloused fingers.

Finally, the silver-haired man was clenching down again, thighs squeezing around Tenzou's hips to keep him in place as he came, the pleasure washing over him as the hot liquid spurted out of his cock and landed on his and Tenzou's abdomens. The younger man's orgasm seemed to be triggered by Kakashi's, and seconds later, he was burying himself deep inside of the squad leader's heat and finishing inside of him.

"Tenzou..." Kakashi detangled his fingers from Tenzou's hair so he could rest them on the brunette's face, tenderly holding him.

"Yeah?" Tenzou leaned into his touch, still buried deep inside him and bathing in their shared afterglow.

"Yeah," The silver-haired man nodded. Then, he allowed his eyes to fall shut. "I don't mind losing control of my emotions every once in a while if this is the result."

"Can't say I mind you losing control either, Kakashi..."

Tenzou was looking down at him, his gaze caring and warm in a way that made Kakashi's heart melt.

In that moment, things were good. Things were perfect.

And, he realized that maybe whether or not he had control wasn't so important after all, because regardless of whichever of the two it was, Tenzou would always be by his side to balance him out.


End file.
